QUESTION:
Dear Dr. Heller,
I have a very close friend whom I believe to have BPD. She is also a compulsive liar. However, I have never challenged her on any of her lies. I have just asked around, investigated and found that she does lie quite often and quite well. We were friends for eight years before I began to suspect. For the last 2 years I have found myself not believing anything she says. Last week her husband and her daughter contacted me with their concerns. We had not discussed her behavior before. Apparently, things at home are so bad that her husband plans to either have her committed for evaluation at a mental hospital or divorce her because of uncontrolled rage and suicidal threats. He says that at this point in time he really does not care which. I am afraid of what her reaction will be. He is waiting until after the holidays to take action. She has nothing to do with her parents due to "sexual abuse as a child". Her husband does not believe that any abuse ever took place. Her relationship with her parents was fine until about a year and a half ago. She said that the memories had been suppressed until that time. I thought she was a great friend and a lot of fun to be with, and still do, except that I cannot trust anything she says. I care very much about her but I don't know what to do. Can you give me any ideas?
Thank You.
ANSWER:
You are going to have a very difficult time. Those who deliberately lie have character
problems, and these are very hard to treat. Additionally those with the BPD can
"remember" things they misunderstood as real. That's why they can be very
convincing.
There are some areas on this website that could help you:
http://www.BiologicalUnhappiness.com/AskDoc/q1.htm will give you
information on how to bring up the subject.
Both of these sections deal with lying:
http://www.BiologicalUnhappiness.com/AskDoc/q14.htm and
http://www.BiologicalUnhappiness.com/AskDoc/Do4Liars.htm
