QUESTION:
Dear Dr. Heller,
I find that I am having a problem with masturbation and sex, but after much research I think I can say that I am not addicted to porn and/or masturbation. The problem is such: After starting to masturbate in my teens, the tradition has followed me into my adult life. My fiancé and I have relatively regular sex (we are both overly busy), but I find sometimes that I can't help but cave in to the urge to masturbate. What's worse, I find that many times I am fantasizing about "dirty things", be them a particular situation or just a woman in a bikini contest just trying to show off her body and portray herself sexually to an audience. I assume that it's quite normal to have fantasies of other people in a relationship and even in sex, but lately I find that I have trouble having orgasm to our sex without thinking of some "dirty thing". What can I do to retrain myself and get off this pornographic past? I realize that my present situation is due to years of exposure to pornography and other media. I am hopelessly in love with my wife to be and am very attracted to her. I know (or at least I think) that I am not addicted to porn or masturbation, but I would like to be able to train myself to hold off on the urges to watch the television or go on the internet and whatever. I have been able to stay away from porn for a very long while now and don't have to worry about that so much. My main concern is the need to masturbate to "dirty thoughts" (as defined above) and how to overcome that .
ANSWER:
First of all I'd highly recommend you get into counseling, as there are likely
many psychological reasons for your behavior.
You are obsessing about the subject, and treating obsessive thoughts can make a huge
difference. SSRI medications can make a huge impact. The
screening
test I use for my patients may be of enormous assistance to you.
