QUESTION:
Dear Dr. Heller,
Today I cut my wrists. Now, as I look back on what happened, I realize part of me didn't want to die. I put the razor to my skin, cutting into it, but couldn't drag it to make a deep slash. All I had were superficial cuts. Before I did this, I saw myself lying on the bed, with blood pooling around me, going softly to sleep. Maybe my angel saved me. Maybe I saved myself. Because of my husband's job loss, medical insurance was lost as well. I couldn't afford to continue with my antidepressants. I was taking Effexor and lorazepam for depression and panic attacks. I gradually reduced the dosage of each as I figured this would be safer. Did I do this correctly? I know I need medication...I feel I need medication, but can't afford hundreds of dollars a month on drugs. I haven't taken either of them in over a month. In that time my emotions seem to spiral downward.......and I'm scared of where they will stop. I feel so low. I feel so sad. I'm trying to think positive, but it's so hard. Family members think I should just get up and beat it. However, that's easier said than done....they don't understand this. Feeling like I'm out of control with my emotions is quite painful. I don't know where to turn. I don't know what to do. Please help me with suggestions or home remedies. My brother is dead. My other brother tried to die, but lived. I tried to die several years ago, was found, and lived. I strongly feel a definite genetic link. Even our mother battles depression. Your help in this matter is appreciated.
Thank you for your time.
ANSWER:
You clearly need help. Stopping or reducing your medications was likely a mistake.
Most pharmaceutical companies will give you free medication if your income is low. Your
doctor should be able to help you with this.
I encourage you to do the
screening test to see what diagnoses
need to be treated. The BPD will respond in a week to the right medication(s).
Suicide happens when the individual is in more pain than he/she can handle AND the
individual believes there's no real hope of it ending. There is definitely hope!
