QUESTION:

Dear Dr. Heller,

My son asked to go somewhere over the weekend. When he was told "no" he got very angry and started shouting how awful his life was and that we are too controlling and that he was going to kill himself and we would have to live with that for the rest of our lives. He has apparently told my husband a few other times that he was going to kill himself when they were having an argument.

Generally, he seems to be a normal and adjusted 15 year old young man unless he's not getting his way. You show these words as warning signs, but I'm not sure what to do with it as he seems to only act out when things don't go how he wants them. Due to the circumstances that brought it to a head and his behavior, often we respond with anger ourselves. What would you advise as my next steps?

A concerned mother that is likely contributing in the wrong way ....D.

ANSWER:

I would highly recommend that you, your husband, and your son do the screening test. This will give you some enormous clues. There is nothing more useful than knowing what’s going on.

I would make certain you and your husband get yourselves treated ASAP as well. You have to lead by example. If you and your husband show that you are willing to do what it takes to be happy and healthy yourselves, he’s far more likely to listen to you. If you don’t have what he wants, or he perceives that you think he’s the only problem, he’s unlikely to listen to you.

I would also get into family and individual counseling for him ASAP.  7% of our teens attempt suicide every year. He’s likely depressed and likely needs some sort of medical treatment.