QUESTION:
Dear Dr. Heller,
I'm wondering if some of the "awful memories" I am recollecting from child hood are real. I did have a very dysfunctional childhood (understatement!) and I have little to no memories of my childhood at age six and back.
Could I have suppressed things and locked them up in my mind somewhere? I'm 27 and things
are just starting to surface.
Thanks.
ANSWER:
Unfortunately it can be very difficult to know what's real and what isn't,
and false accusations will be incredibly harmful to everyone involved - including you.
They may also be real memories that you suppressed and are starting to come out now. To
me, the most important goals are to overcome what happened to you, and relive it as little
as possible.
You need to work with a good therapist. I'd recommend someone who wants to help you
look forward to your future and helps you learn how to cope with these memories rather
than dwelling on the past and trying to determine which were real or not. It's a very
tough topic. There's often a fine line between seeking the truth and obsessing about
the past.
The father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, stated that "insight alone is not
enough." This means that searching for the truth and finding it doesn't make
things right, and doesn't make your life better. Concentrating on where you go from
here matters the most.
