QUESTION:
Hello Sir:
I'm sorry to bother you but I need your help badly. See, my girl friend has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and she always is thinking I'm going to leave her. How can I show her how much I really love her? Whenever she starts to open up she'll change and push me away in a matter of seconds. I love her so much sir--I need help with this. I want her to be happy and not worry all the time. Is there anything I can do or say to help?
She always tells me "I'm afraid of you leaving me, I can't be all alone" Even after I tell her how much I love her and how I' m not going anywhere, I'm going to be there for her forever. The worst thing is, she has like no self-esteem at all. She really is one of the most beautiful people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and she's always talking about "how did so trash like me, ever get you" no matter what I tell her or do she still thinks she is not "worthy" of me. I'm just an average guy, I don't understand this.
I"ve been trying to look up BPD on the net now for like 2 months now, but everyone is just trying to have you buy their books. But I need help with this--could you please tell what I can do to make things easier for my girl friend and how I can show her how much I really love her and that I'm not going to leave her, not today, not tomorrow, not ever?
Thank you for your time sir. Please help me with this. I love her more than anything. I would give my life for her, I don't want her to worry all the time.
Well, thank you for taking the time to read this.
ANSWER:
First of all, you are unlikely to be successful with trying to talk her out of this irrational fear. She needs comprehensive treatment ASAP! I'd recommend checking the top FAQ answer for what should I do first. She needs to read the screening test and review some information on the BPD. The front cover of "Life at the Border" may be of use to her. Until she understands hope is very real she's likely to keep running away.
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