QUESTION:
Dear Dr. Heller,
Today I cut my wrists. Now, as I look back on what happened, I realize part of me didn't want to die. I put the razor to my skin, cutting into it, but couldn't drag it to make a deep slash. All I had were superficial cuts. Before I did this, I saw myself lying on the bed, with blood pooling around me, going softly to sleep. Maybe my angel saved me. Maybe I saved myself.
Because of my husband's job loss, medical insurance was lost as well. I couldn't afford to continue with my antidepressants. I was taking Effexor and Lorazepam for depression and panic attacks. I gradually reduced the dosage of each, as I figured this would be safer. Did I do this correctly? I know I need medication. I feel I need medication, but can't afford hundreds of dollars a month on drugs. I haven't taken either of them in over a month. In that time my emotions seem to spiral downward - and I'm scared of where they will stop. I feel so low. I feel so sad. I'm trying to think positive, but it's so hard. Family members think I should just get up and beat it. However, that's easier said than done. They don't understand this. Feeling like I'm out of control with my emotions is quite painful. I don't know where to turn. I don't know what to do. Please help me with suggestions or home remedies. My brother is dead. My other brother tried to die, but lived. I tried to die several years ago, was found, and lived. I strongly feel a definite genetic link. Even our mother battles depression. Your help in this matter is appreciated.
Thank you for your time.
ANSWER:
You are obviously very depressed, and likely suffering from the BPD. In my opinion,
medication is required in order to effectively deal with the BPD. Your problem is
treatable, however.
Most pharmaceutical companies will give free medication to individuals who need their
medication but can't afford it. I'd recommend contacting your physician for
assistance in this regard. Sometimes contacting the company directly can help, but in
general it needs to come from the physician's office.
