Q. I am 15, so, for the most part, it is extremely difficult to obtain a clear and concise answer myself. My problem is simply that I do not know what is wrong with me. I have been dragged to 5 separate psychologists, and nobody, it seems, feels like telling ME what they seem oh-so eager to blab to the somebody paying them the 120-an-hour. Please, then, just answer my question. I have been diagnosed twice. Once as a Bpd, and twice as bipolar. Which is it? I know it sounds illogical to ask u when we've never met, but....I do have a problem controlling my temper. I don't know why. Sometimes, just the tiniest thing will set me off; a word, a gesture. I can't help it. My brother is scared of me, and my grandfather won't speak to me. I have been in the ER for having slit my wrists and I have run away. I also am suspended pending expulsion at school for the suspicion of having been drunk on campus. Succinctly put: My life sucks, and I can't remember a time when it didn't. I can't help it, but I am constantly afraid that my best friend doesn't like me as much as always...we've been buff’s for yrs. I have also been seen for anorexia/bulimia. I know, I sound like a mess, but I can't help it...I just feel so pissed off sometimes and at others I just want to die I feel so bad. Then there are these brief heaven-sent interludes of an almost I guess, manic high. Maybe that's why the diagnoses. Still, I do. I cut when I'm pissed and I 'd rather hurt everyone else, but I know then they'd like me less, (I realize how stupid that sounds, but....) Then I feel even more frustrated, b/c I can't do what I want b/c of them. Then all I want to do is hurt...someone, something......me. It's got to be me, b/c that's the only safe outlet. Then I cut. Is this too long? (I guess if u don't answer it is:) sorry. Still, I'm afraid, I might really hurt someone someday.
A. While you may also have bipolar (manic depression), you didn't list any symptoms of the disorder except for "brief heaven sent interludes" - which may must be the 15 minutes every two weeks the average unmedicated borderline experiences. You did give many, many strong indications of the BPD: temper problems, slitting wrists, running away, feeling that life has always been terrible and others.
This website should be of enormous help to you.
You sound like you want to be better. I strongly encourage you to get a thorough diagnostic evaluation and get on medications that work. Life doesn't need to be that difficult.