Q. Our 21 year old daughter has every sign of ASPD, except for the substance abuse. It has mostly effected my husband and I until recently. Her life from age 15 seemed to become nothing but lies, possessive, abusive boyfriends, so many traffic violations, assault, is on probation for being an accessory to her boyfriends' breaking, entering and stealing. I have lost track of how many jobs she has had in the last 2yrs. She has repeatedly stolen money and CD's from our house. She has lost all of her friends because all she wanted to do was cry to them about her 3yr. on-off relationship with her boyfriend. She uses us all for her own gain and then turns around and accuses us of never doing anything for her, not loving her, not caring. She blames us for every negative event in her life. She runs away from the truth when faced with it. Now the lies, accusations and physical confrontations are about and with her other 3 sisters and it is causing major problems. She will never admit to having a problem or that she is at fault for anything. Is there ANYTHING we can do to help her? How do we cope with her?
A. At age 21 there isn't much you can do as you have no authority over her.
While the antisocial disorder is indeed present, many other - and very treatable - disorders such as attention deficit disorder, depression, and the BPD can cause antisocial behaviors without the individual having the antisocial personality disorder.
If you come upon information that sounds like her for those or other illnesses, you can send it to her and let her make her choices.
It's important to remember, however, that you, your spouse, and your other children are important also. You must take joy in the other people in your life, not see your life poisoned by one child's problems. The best thing you can do is get into some psychotherapy yourself.