Q. Dear Dr. Heller:
I have been heavily involved and fell in love with a person that has BPD and I have been on the "tight rope" between engulfment and abandonment for the last seven months. What a ride!!!! We have read together many of the books (including one you do not usually recommend- "I Hate You Don't Leave Me." We have just decided to go to counseling together and that is a great start to one of the biggest challenges I have ever taken on. We have most of the symptoms defined and are now trying to select competent counsel (the most important part of the process in my perspective) so that medication can be prescribed.
My question(s) to you is this:
1) How do you determine the most complimentary and experienced therapists?
a) Are there any nonprofit organizations working with the public and the
affected person's that have this very complicated disease? There does not
seem to be much press and/or public interest in this very important and
growing epidemic. Is this for a reason or is it supposed to be kept silent so
the BPD can decide to help themselves only when they are ready? It seems to
me that we have a situation that is referred to as an oxymoron!!!!!!
A. First I want to say that "I Hate You Don't Leave Me" is an excellent description of the BPD, it just often leaves the victim with no hope.
Unfortunately at this point you'll have to go shopping for the therapist/doctor you want. There's really no way to know in advance. Ask questions regarding their beliefs about the BPD, ask whether they're aware of the biological research - and whether they're willing to read some of it, ask if they really don't like dealing with the BPD and would prefer you went elsewhere.
I agree with you about the importance, however things are starting to change - particularly because of Patty and her website!