Q. I would like to make it known to those out there who are reading our stories who don't struggle with this disorder how difficult life can be for us. I am disturbed because when and when I'm in public or take a "bad spell" or "anger fits" people stare and whisper. Why does this anger me so much? It's a lack of understanding. Maybe the people who don't have this disorder see one of us who does and is alone and struggling, maybe you could be a little more caring and helpful. Yes, it is always hard to know what to say to us and how to treat us because it's like walking on eggshells, but then again try and walk in our shoes.
For myself one minute I'm so happy I could hit the roof, the next minute I'm angry and crying. I never know what to expect what and how to feel. Also for myself I'm deathly afraid of being alone. Relationships are rocky with me. One moment I have scores of friends then the next I have none. The friends that I did have I treated them like they were a god, which really scares them away.
When I'm really unstable I feel suicidal and end up in the hospital because I would end up overdosing on Luvox and Carbamazapine. I don't look attractive anymore because when I get into depressive states I overeat and constantly go on diets. My arms are a ladder of knife scares from me slashing my wrists with a butcher knife. I am always so jealous of all the beautiful women and size 3 models on the front of magazines and constantly worry about my hair. Will it always be like this ?
A. Doesn't have to be. They keys are
1) get all the diagnoses made and effectively treated,
2) learn the signs of dysphoria so you can use "as needed" medications to stop the crashing and
3) learn to think in a healthy and successful manner.
It would likely be a good idea to start listening to Zig Ziglar's tape series "How to Stay Motivated" 1-800-527-0306. You are in need of hope. You also need to change some of your beliefs - they are hurting you.
People like you can have a happy, successful life full of love and peace. But if you keep on doing what you've been doing, you'll keep on getting what you've been getting.