Q. I am a widow with 5 children and am financially secure. I finally started dating 7 years after my husband died. I met and became engaged to a man 15 years younger than me. We decided to use a ring I inherited from my grandmother for my engagement ring. One month later after an argument the ring disappeared from my bathroom sink. I knew he took it, but he denied it. I immediately ended the engagement, but continued to see him off and on in hopes that I would get my ring back. (It was very valuable and sentimental.) Finally, a year later, he admitted taking it, but can't remember where he put it. A psychologist friend of mine suggested that he may be BPD. He fits almost every description except for self-mutilation and suicide threats. I definitely don't buy his story. I don't know if this is just a question of bad character, or if it is possible he did indeed forget or block it out. He says we should just let the whole thing go and move on with our relationship. I have refused to move on until I get the truth. Is there any hope of him ever telling me what he did with it?
A. First of all, whether he is lying or not has nothing to do with the BPD. I know many, many individuals with the BPD whose word is gold.
It's like the rest of the population, many are honest, some aren't. Many have a great character, some don't.
The combination of the BPD with character problems is difficult to deal with.