QUESTION:
Dear Dr. Heller,
My daughter is seven. She has a tendency to tell many lies. Some of the lies are her just telling tall tales. Some are to get her point across with more weight.
Today she mixed milk and butter together, attempting to make more butter. Whenever I told her not to waste milk and butter that way, she tried to tell me that the liquid was from the butter, and that was the way you make more butter. She tried to explain to me that she visited a farm and that's how she learned to make more butter. She cried and adamantly denied ever adding any milk to the concoction.
How can I stop this lying. Her father and I are not together anymore. Maybe this had something to do with it. She and her father share some of the same traits. I am an introvert and not the type to strike up conversations with strangers. He is the type that always does. When we were dating he talked too much, in my opinion. I later found out he lied quite a bit too. Is lying a trait that can be hereditary?
ANSWER:
There can be a hereditary link, although it's not absolute. Your daughter clearly
needs to get into counseling.
This is the answer I usually send out with questions about compulsive lying:
What can be done for pathological liars?
Diagnoses such as the BPD, attention deficit disorder, and anxiety disorders can trigger
lying as a way of dealing with stress. This is particularly true if lying was the learned
behavior as a child. Here is the
screening test
I use for
these diagnoses.
It can be difficult changing this behavior. The first step is to get the diagnoses made
and treated. Affirmations, listening to Zig Ziglar, and professional counseling are all
crucial to recovery. The bottom line, however, is that the individual has to make the
decision that lying is not a smart approach.
It's important to recognize that their lies could come back and hurt you. It's
important to prevent that!
Another reference is
www.NoDeception.com
