
First of all get all of your diagnoses made and treated, your children
will be needing you as well as possible. Get into counseling to
understand the relationship, yourself, and what you can do for your
children. It helps to have an objective individual to assist you. The
best thing you can give your children is a happy, well-adjusted parent.
Second, get the children into counseling so they can understand what's going on with the BPD spouse, themselves, and the interaction between you and the ex-spouse. Particularly because of genetic influences you need to look for signs of depression, ADD, anxiety or the BPD in the children.
Third, give information to the ex spouse about the BPD and let him/her make decisions for him or her self.