QUESTION:
Dear Dr. Heller,
I'm not writing you because I think I have BPD or something, its just that I found a site where I can ask an intelligent doctor a question. Let me tell you the basics, or what you need to know: I'm 15, I'm pretty sure that I'm bisexual at this point, (I don't know if that has to do with anything, but it does cause me A LOT of stress - I can elaborate on that if you want me to).
I'm your normal teen, I have MANY friends, I get 80's and 90's in school, but I'm not sure about myself. If something happened where I felt extremely sad, or angry...actually furious, I'll go up into my room, and while crying, I'll punch myself several times in the thigh with full force. At that point in which I'm feeling really horrible about a situation, the punching makes it feel better. It takes my mind off of the situation. I don't like cutting, but sometimes I feel like taking the edge of an iron and burning myself. (I think that the only reason why I don't is because while the iron is heating up, I think about it, and my reasoning kicks in, I then decide not to or the feeling just fades).
I get mood swings sometimes too. Most of the time I'm outgoing. I'm always smiling and having a good time. If I was looking at myself I'd say I was a very happy teen. However, no one knows my thoughts or my actions or my personality when I'm alone. I sometimes stop in the middle of one of my thoughts and I question my sanity; "Why am I thinking this?", "Why does this bother me so much?", "Why do I get these urges to burn myself?" are common questions. Then I ask myself, "Well, if I am mentally stable, why am I even thinking about burning myself?". It's crazy. I have conversations with myself and just try to figure myself out. There are other instances where I've also questioned my way of thinking and my sanity.
But this is all I can tell you for now, (I'm having trouble remembering other instances). Do you know what could be wrong with me? Do you want me to elaborate? Please try to reply, but if you don't I'll understand, its ok.
ANSWER:
You described the BPD very forcefully. The BPD is an instability in the brain's
limbic system causing inappropriate mood swings, chronic anger, emptiness, boredom and
emotional pain. Under stress a seizure-like phenomenon occurs causing dysphoria (anxiety,
rage, depression and despair), temporal lobe epilepsy symptoms and interpreting the world
as a cornered wounded animal does. Self-mutilation is a technique that temporarily stops
the dysphoria (anxiety, rage, depression and despair) - that's why you hit yourself.
It's similar to scratching an itchy mosquito bite.
People with the BPD can be extremely smart. You did nothing to cause your BPD, and
it's extremely treatable medically. There is an enormous amount of information here
on the website and in my books. These three sections may be of assistance to you:
http://www.BiologicalUnhappiness.com/AskDoc/First-Do.htm
http://www.BiologicalUnhappiness.com/20a.htm
http://www.BiologicalUnhappiness.com/dysphori.htm
