What Has Happened To My Husband?

QUESTION:

Dear Dr. Heller,

Help - my husband is not himself!  Something in him has snapped!  Age: 60.  Employed: Yes.  Health problems: A few related to testosterone and Viagra, otherwise healthy.  Kids: Grown and a married son, grown and an unmarried daughter ( estranged, he is very hurt over this situation).  Marriage: 2nd - 20 years.  He has become totally antisocial and does not want to participate in any family matters.  He won't socialize, "hates" himself, can't look at himself in the mirror, quick to rage, and does much cursing - it has lasted approximately 1 year.  He sits in the dark listening to music.  He refuses drugs, doctor or analyst.  He works, plays hockey, drinks coffee and comes home to sleep.  He has lost joy in life - and is sometimes suicidal.  He keeps telling me this is a phase but it never seems to end.  What's happening?

ANSWER:

Assuming there were no mental health diagnoses in the past, he is suffering from a major depression.  The most important thing you can do for him at this time is to emphasize the biological basis of depression - that it is a medical problem. 

The National Institute of Mental Health Website has an incredible picture of the difference in brain activity when depressed compared to treated.

My Newsletter on depression may be helpful as well.