What's Wrong With Me?

QUESTION:

Dear Dr. Heller,

I am a junior in high school.  I never really thought that there was anything wrong with me, I still don't actually.  I always wondered why I would be so happy one minute, and practically crying the next.  Why I always tortured myself with the music that my ex and I listened to.  Why I blamed everything on myself.  In sixth grade I tried to kill myself.  All because I didn't want a shot.  Nobody believed me when I told them either.  I know that I am a lot better about it now.  I only get that way sometimes.  I often wonder why I'm here, who would care if I was gone, stuff like that.  I have hurt a lot of people by running away from them.  The only thing that I can think of and anyone else that knows about it, is that I am afraid to be happy.  I don't think I deserve it.  I never even wanted to think that something could be wrong with me, and then I told one of my friends from school everything I thought about.  He told me that he really thinks I should get some help.  I'm a good student.  Nobody really knows I feel the way I do.  I mean, they ask me why I'm so happy one minute, and won't speak to anyone the next.  If you want me to explain more in detail, please just ask.  I will tell you anything.  I just want to know if you think there is anything wrong or not.  Oh, one more detail - my mom had an eating disorder throughout school and she constantly bugs me about what I eat, and I am never good enough for my parents.

Thanks.

ANSWER:

That much moodiness implies the BPD and/or bipolar may be present.  I strongly recommend you take these possible diagnoses seriously.

No one should feel as bad as you do, and you need to stop keeping it to yourself.  You need to tell your parents about this.  Seeing a mental health professional is clearly a good idea.