What's Wrong With My Boyfriend?

QUESTION:

Dear Dr. Heller,

I have been dating a man for almost a year.  He is an alcoholic and cocaine addict.  He has been in recovery for 15 months and has not touched any alcohol or drugs and is not on any antidepressant.  I am wondering if he is obsessive/compulsive or has some other kind of disorder, or is it just because he is in early recovery.  Here is some of the behavior: He checks and rechecks things when we leave the house.  He feels things are dirtier than the really are.  He is guarded and ridged, jumps when touched and very sensitive when touched.  He doesn't like any kind of intimacy such as, long kisses, or being touched for too long.  He changes his mind on what he is going to do frequently.  He says things that aren't true and seems to talk without thinking out what he is saying.  He notices everything.  He will tell you if you have a pimple or if your hair is messed up and things like that.  It is like he thinks he is doing you a favor by letting you know.  He has anxiety.  He is controlling.  He is about fifty pounds over weight.  He is very critical but gets his feelings hurt if you criticize him.  He is moody.  He would do anything for you and is emotional, but tries to control this and not show his feelings.  I am very much in love with this man but some of these behaviors make me feel like there is something wrong with me.  Especially the jumping when touched and the fact that he cringes if asked for a long kiss or a french kiss.  Sex is good except there is no intimacy or passion from him.  It is like it disgusts him to touch another person.  Any feed back you can give me will be appreciated.

ANSWER:

From what you described, he likely has obsessive compulsive disorders - along with many other problems.  The moodiness generally means something else is going on.  The anxiety likely has multiple causes as well.  People with these disorders often self-medicate with cocaine and other medications.  Even when they quit the substances (which cause many problems by themselves) their underlying problems remain, and can seem worse without "treatment".

Making all the pertinent diagnoses and treating them is crucial.  The screening test I use for my patients may be of enormous help to you. 

If you are feeling inadequate because of his problems, I highly encourage you to do the screening test yourself and to seek counseling before it becomes a lifetime problem.