With the birth of the first grandchild, the grandparents quickly understand the bumper sticker "If I’d known how much fun grandchildren were I’d have had them first!" They are ready to be grandparents, without the awesome day to day responsibility of raising a child. Unfortunately, many soon find they are parents again because their own children are unable or unwilling to be parents.

In 1997, 3.9 million American children are being raised by their grandparents. This is a 77% increase in 27 years. Treatable genetic and medical problems are often the culprit. In our current society where drugs, violence and negative role models abound, these medical problems cause our children to get involved with drugs, abusive relationships, and dangerously impulsive behaviors. When the problems prevent the parents from taking care of their children, the grandparents are forced to take over. 5.5 million American’s children (7.7%) lived with a grandparent in 1997.

Many of these grandparents, trying to avoid the "mistakes" they feel were made with their own children, find that biology usually causes the same heartache with the grandchildren as well. It’s tragic when the frustrated grandparent sees the grandchild heading towards the same self-destructive path as their own children. Equally tragic is the fact that most of this suffering is needless and preventable.

There are neurological causes behind most of the problems. The most common are depression, attention deficit disorder, the generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder and the borderline disorder (which begins at puberty). Many individuals "treat" their disorders with the wrong "medicine" - usually alcohol, marijuana, cocaine and other substances. Nicotine is an effective but deadly "treatment" for attention deficit disorder, and there are much safer and far more effective treatments. Many teens start and can’t quit smoking because they’re actually treating their attention deficit disorder, and nicotine is usually the "gateway" drug leading to other drugs. Violence against the grandparent can also result from substance abuse and these medical problems.

There is a suicide attempt per minute in the US. 34% of suicide deaths are in individuals under 35, and 7% are between ages 5 and 19. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among 15-24 year olds. Losing a child or grandchild to suicide is an overwhelming tragedy that more and more grandparents face every year.

The great news is that these disorders are treatable, and often preventable. Outdated stigmas, lack of knowledge and misinformation are the biggest problem. Just a few decades ago cancer was "hush hush," yet now it’s talked about openly without stigmatization. The same needs to happen with mental health.

Making the diagnoses is relatively easy, but it needs to be done. They are "criteria" based, which means there are specific definitions. The screening test I use for my patients is available for free in the screening test section of this Website. Many individuals have more than one diagnosis, and they all must be treated. Remarks like "I don’t know why I did it," "I can’t stop worrying," "Life is pointless," and "I hate myself" need to be taken seriously.

Once the diagnoses are made, safe and effective medication can be given. Fear, prejudice, ignorance and misinformation about medication is literally killing our children and young adults. Counseling and brain retraining is also necessary. I believe all parts of us must be healthy and in balance - mind, body and spirit.

What’s a grandparent to do? First get information. I highly encourage you to look at the screening test, and the quotes individuals with biologically based unhappiness say. They are both available in my new book "Biological Unhappiness" and for free on that Website. Knowledge is indeed power. Many individuals are afraid to find out the facts, yet the old saying remains true: "the truth can be denied, but it can never be avoided." Once you know what’s going on, and how it can be corrected, you can make a difference with your loved ones and bring happiness and peace back into your life.

In 20 years as a Family Physician, I’ve never heard a dying individual say "I wish I’d spent more time at the office." I’ve repeatedly seen patients postpone dying until they could say goodbye to a loved one. Our loved ones and our families are what’s most important, as anyone who’s had a brush with death will acknowledge. Love is time, caring, hugs, being there when needed, laughing, crying, and sharing life. Love also means finding out what’s wrong and getting it fixed.

Leland M. Heller, M.D.