QUESTION:

Dear Dr. Heller,

I was never miserable as a child.  I came from a Brady Bunch family.  I don’t know what my problem is.  For the last couple of years I’ve been depressed.  After my first love left me, I tried to commit suicide.  I felt so lost and saw no hope.  I always feel insecure and need constant reassurance in relationships.  I read about personality disorders, and connected most with dependent personality disorder.  My biggest fear is rejection.  If someone leaves me I go out of control.  I fly into a rage and feel this intense heat come over my body.  I always feel like its my fault, and end up in total depression.  Some days I have road rage so bad and feel like “so what” if someone hurts me, it will be better than feeling this pain.

Also I’ve noticed that all I do is complain about my problems, and the solution to me seems out of reach.  I read your list for mentally happy people and realized that I put my happiness second to the person whom I’m in a relationship with for fear of rejection.  I know that is not normal and it scares me.  I carry anger around with me everywhere, mainly for lacking self confidence in every aspect of my life.  I can remember as early as the second grade not finishing a project because I thought that mine could never look as good as my friends.

I know this is long, but I’ve never spoken so openly about myself.  Now that I look back at what I’ve wrote I can’t help but feel like I’m defective in someway.  I envy happy people.  I don’t want to live my life miserable and afraid anymore.

Please help.

 

ANSWER:

You appear to have some medically treatable diagnoses.  Prozac should have a profound effect in stopping some of the depression, rejection sensitivity, chronic anger and moodiness.  The screening test I use for my patients may be of help.  You possibly have the BPD as well, and I’d recommend you read http://www.BiologicalUnhappiness.com/AskDoc/First-Do.htm

 

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